[Striker]

So, am I just supposed to act like everything is fine and dandy?

Grow up? I did grow up, and got hit in the face by reality, and realized reality is little more than a doomed world and a lesson in nihilism.

[Fox]

[Striker]

I just want to be removed. I'm a fucking mess of a human being. Not worth anyone's time. I'm shaking, I've been abusing my medication (Not an excuse for my behavior. Just stating a fact), I'm in a blood-red mental haze, I feel sick, and I'm on auto-pilot. Just remove me.

[Smoke Fumus]

Worthless, on 09 August 2015 - 07:10 PM, said:

So, am I just supposed to act like everything is fine and dandy?

Grow up? I did grow up, and got hit in the face by reality, and realized reality is little more than a doomed world and a lesson in nihilism.

That's not growing up. That's sitting with finger up your ass, proclaiming that since everyone is fucked it is meaningless to do anything.

You know what's growing up? Getting that information introduced to you and LIVING A LIFE, not carrying what happens after. You are HERE and NOW. Act HERE and NOW, so TOMMOROW will be a bright and sunny day. You schmuckhead.

[Radar]

Sgt. Rarity, on 09 August 2015 - 06:59 PM, said:

While unfortunately I can't guarantee anything, My Little Pony actually has a track record of curing depression and improving anger management in bronies who claim to have had these problems before watching. I have the first three episodes of season 1 uploaded on Drive that I give to people that are interested in trying out the series - the first 3 episodes really set up the whole series and are enough to judge whether ponies are for you are not. I'll just post the link here in case anyone's interested in challaxing to some chill ponies.

https://drive.google...Xzg&usp=sharing

Just wanted to share this again now that we're at the top of a new page. Seriously, there are so many testimonies out there describing the euphoria of this series.

[DustFalcon85]

StrikerMan780 Please DON'T Quit the Terminal Velocity Source Port Project! Don't delete the project and the source codes!



@Robman StrikerMan had a rough time w/ Max Payne recently and now you're antagonizing him too? WTF are you trying to do? Make him quit the Terminal Velocity Source Port project for good? Despicable and uncalled for! This is the advice I can give to you right now below.

[TerminX]

Eat a Snickers and take a nap.

[Striker]

Smoke Fumus, on 09 August 2015 - 07:14 PM, said:

That's not growing up. That's sitting with finger up your ass, proclaiming that since everyone is fucked it is meaningless to do anything.

You know what's growing up? Getting that information introduced to you and LIVING A LIFE, not carrying what happens after. You are HERE and NOW. Act HERE and NOW, so TOMMOROW will be a bright and sunny day. You schmuckhead.

The namecalling is only making me even more pissed off. What good do you think that's going to do? Keep going if you really want to make this thread burn to ashes. I'll be more than willing to oblige.

[Fox]

Worthless, on 09 August 2015 - 07:17 PM, said:

The namecalling is only making me even more pissed off. What good do you think that's going to do? Keep going if you really want to make this thread burn to ashes. I'll be more than willing to oblige.

I have never seen that user before I don't know why do you care?

[Striker]

Someone I've known long before this thread. I brought him here.

[Radar]

I know the feeling bro. Robman is lamer than I thought. I'm just glad Nudek and Fran don't try to post here.

[Smoke Fumus]

Worthless, on 09 August 2015 - 07:17 PM, said:

The namecalling is only making me even more pissed off. What good do you think that's going to do?

Getting angry is a first step in realizing that you actually give a damn. But since i got your attention listen closely.

You cannot change, as you told me earlier, not because it is impossible, oh no. Subconcious tries to fight changes, when it is not accustomed to them. In your struggle to declare that everything is meaningless you letting your inner daemons win by not taking a 180 degree turn and taking an action.

Oh yes - melancholy can be comforting, i know that - i had multiple cases of depression on span prior to last 2 years. I know how comforting sobbing nature of solitude and saddness can be. Here's the problem though - it destroys you from the inside. You know what apathy cost me? My whole mouth.
I am spending lots of money now to rebuild my teeth from redneck state.

But it can be even worse than that. A mind which doesn't care lets body go, and anything can happen. You do NOT want that. Nobody does.

So stop letting your inner daemons control you - you are the one who has his body, not your past and not your grudges.

Also FUCK YOU for letting yourself go to waste father than i did. This is unacceptable. Looking how others keep plowing through depression beyond the point when i were able to battle it makes me quiet furious. Especially when said depression case mirrors mine 1:1. Fuck that. No. Just no.

[Hendricks266]

Smoke Fumus, on 09 August 2015 - 07:25 PM, said:

Also FUCK YOU for letting yourself go to waste father than i did. This is unacceptable. Looking how others keep plowing through depression beyond the point when i were able to battle it makes me quiet furious. Especially when said depression case mirrors mine 1:1. Fuck that. No. Just no.

Everything you're saying is counterproductive to someone in an emotional crisis. Take a break from this thread.

[Striker]

I don't blame him for being angry, I just don't like the namecalling. Also, in response to him: Our situations aren't 1:1, if they were, the outcome would have been the same. Also, Melancholy isn't comforting, don't paint it like it is. If it were comforting, wouldn't that translate into pleasure and happiness? I doubt it.

*sigh*

Situations like this are why I'm the kind of mess I am... I'm undiagnosed, but I have the behaviors and thought patterns of a schizophrenic. I need help, but the clinic doesn't take my case seriously enough... How many dead animals, ruined relationships, and destroyed friendships must there be before it all ends? My demons are like wild badgers let out of a cage after being tortured for a good long time. They just keep going and going, letting loose... and they're very opportunistic. One moment I can talk like this and then the next moment I'm in the bleachers watching myself go nuts. Other times, it's like one person is controlling my body, while I'm still in control of my speech. I often get in arguments with myself... or at least, the demented part of myself. Why am I suicidal? Well, there's lots of reasons... but one of them is because I want to be stopped before I do anymore damage. That's why. I mask it under many other layers of emotion, but that is the one of the roots.

[Radar]

Watch pony.

[Robman]

Sgt. Rarity, on 09 August 2015 - 07:22 PM, said:

I know the feeling bro. Robman is lamer than I thought. I'm just glad Nudek and Fran don't try to post here.

Stop bringing me into this, I haven't said anything for like 25 posts.

I kicked a ball down a hill and it's still rolling.

Dustfalcon69... stop downovoting me you damned Dirtbird!

[TerminX]

I changed your name back. Someone is only truly worthless if they have no skills and no aspirations to build any. You're having a hard time. That happens. You've had a hard time before and it wasn't the end of the world then, and it's not the end for you now, either.

Regardless, you shouldn't go diagnosing yourself with things like that. People with schizophrenia don't recognize patterns of schizophrenia in themselves. You have a problem, but it's completely self-defeating for you to assume it's a horrible problem with no resolution and operate on or make decisions based on that assumption. There's only no hope if you convince yourself to be hopeless.

[DustFalcon85]

Robman, on 09 August 2015 - 07:28 PM, said:

Dustfalcon69... stop downovoting me you damned Dirtbird!

Then stop trolling and flaming other people who's been emotionally hurt and QUIT BEING A DICKFUCK! Keep this bullshit up and you'll join Max Payne in banned hell.

Take Hendricks' advice please!

Hendricks266, on 23 June 2015 - 09:10 AM, said:

If you "talk crap" to someone, expect to be slapped with downvotes. I don't think we have a problem with arrogant users. I do think we have a problem with attention-seeking whiners (you, Mr.Deviance, Never Forgotten, and anyone else who started a complaint thread) who like idle talk that hurts the signal-to-noise ratio of our forums.

[Robman]

I've been in banned hell, I clawed my way back to call you a Dirtbird.

[Striker]

I'm not worried about Robman anymore. Leave him be.

My main concern is getting myself fixed/healed/etc. I need time away, but for that I need self-control, which I don't have.

People who have known me on this forum over the years know that I'm not like this normally... please take that as clear evidence that something has been wrong. Very wrong. Along with all that's been going on, I've been stewing at home with nobody to talk to personally, while my mind has been going full-on Ouroboros. (Envision a snake eating it's own tail, or a bird plucking it's own feathers. An AI going rampant, or someone with a powerful mind mentally destroying oneself from the inside out... thinking oneself to death. A little videogame-related metaphor for you people: It's why my avatar has been Giygas, his own mind is what warped and destroyed him, and will eventually destroy everything if he isn't stopped.)

I want to get better, I really do. but I get lost, and then get dragged down into nihilistic thought. Also, as you've noticed in this thread likely... I veer from hot to cold, calm to angry, sad to impassioned, annoyed to defeated, all very rapidly, erratically and often contradictory... I'm not of sound mind at the moment, and my mood is all over the place. A lot of collateral damage happens when I'm like this... friend and foe alike get caught in the crossfire. I hate it...

Anyhow... I don't ask for pity. I'll never ask for that. All I ask for is understanding.

[Smoke Fumus]

Robman, on 09 August 2015 - 07:40 PM, said:

I've been in banned hell, I clawed my way back to call you a Dirtbird.

Amre, get your ass to #eduke32 on freenode. I'll have a word with you.

[MrBlackCat]

Strikerman780... one trap of self diagnosis is the "getting fixed". You can work yourself to death if you aren't fixing the right thing anyway. You can work on the code all you want if you don't realize the problem is in a driver. (metaphorically speaking)
Anyway... maybe working on a project like this IS the prescription for your problems, but maybe the dose is off. (again, metaphorically) Beside that, if you can't fix a problem, distraction is a temporary fix sometimes.

Again, good luck in whatever project you work on... be it re-coding yourself, or the Terminal Velocity project... or both.

MrBlackCat

[Juris3D]

I wake up this morning, I rush to my PC to see how StrikerMan is feeling, and how progress in coding is going, and I see all this. Took me couple of hours thinking. One part was what many would call praying. Praying for StrikerMan. I am not into confessional religions, I don't know to whom or what my mind talks, I do it how I feel it should be right. Second part of my thinking was: should I write my thought here, and if I do, how to absolutely -not- make things worse? I decided to say something, but only information. No judgement, no advices.
There is a saying: in every man's life, first 40 years of childhood are the hardest part. I am 47, and I confirm it is accurate. I happily married at 44, got my dream job the same year, and I got my Angel from heaven in flesh, my son, when I was 45. Now I am, well, still a child in part inside, but with some solid life's experience, and I feel like I know now some thing or two about values, and about that "simple question" - what is the meaning of life?" (about this one later). My message is - you, StrikerMan, have great stuff ahead, and I am guessing you are curious to see it, to experience it. You are at the beginning, and bumpy one. Right now you are collecting and fighting shit in your mind for strengthening immunity against it in future. Just like little baby advances body immunity by getting small sicknesses and fighting them. I wish you succeed to get strong mind and then you will not give a single fucks about "public opinion" by somebody, if it is bad one.

About "meaning of life", I have my own belief that something created us "in his own image" by meaning - it (he) made us Creators too. Unlike animals (but I love animals), we can create things that wasn't here before. Supposedly, things that make life better and more joy. Heck, maybe our mind power of creation even holds Universe together. Sure, we do a lot selfdestructive idiotic things as humanity, but I think that is because humanity is young and immature. It is also in its "hardest part of childhood". Everyone is doing its small part, by being not self destructive and being creators. I make electronics, you make those lines of code. We are f'k'n small Gods.

About games: I understand you try to unify TV/Fury/Hellbender in one piece. But maybe Hellbender engine is too different? all that TV model scaling you mentioned, probably something else too. Maybe you can make separate "New Hellbender" and "New TerminalFury", if thats easier? I am sure every real fan will love that.

StrikerMan, I am doing my praying thing for you. Live and love.

[DustFalcon85]

StrikerMan780, on 09 August 2015 - 07:42 PM, said:

I'm not worried about Robman anymore. Leave him be.

My main concern is getting myself fixed/healed/etc. I need time away, but for that I need self-control, which I don't have.

People who have known me on this forum over the years know that I'm not like this normally... please take that as clear evidence that something has been wrong. Very wrong. Along with all that's been going on, I've been stewing at home with nobody to talk to personally, while my mind has been going full-on Ouroboros. (Envision a snake eating it's own tail, or a bird plucking it's own feathers. An AI going rampant, or someone with a powerful mind mentally destroying oneself from the inside out... thinking oneself to death. A little videogame-related metaphor for you people: It's why my avatar has been Giygas, his own mind is what warped and destroyed him, and will eventually destroy everything if he isn't stopped.)

I want to get better, I really do. but I get lost, and then get dragged down into nihilistic thought. Also, as you've noticed in this thread likely... I veer from hot to cold, calm to angry, sad to impassioned, annoyed to defeated, all very rapidly, erratically and often contradictory... I'm not of sound mind at the moment, and my mood is all over the place. A lot of collateral damage happens when I'm like this... friend and foe alike get caught in the crossfire. I hate it...

Anyhow... I don't ask for pity. I'll never ask for that. All I ask for is understanding.

I don't like it when people pour salt on your open wounds when you're trying to heal up. I will not tolerate trolls who are making your life hell. I will always stand up for you StrikerMan780. Take the time to heal and rest up. I will not let anything disrupt your work that you put blood, sweat and tears into. I don't like being disrespected and being bullied by others. People need to respect others by not being rude little shits.

Juris3D, on 09 August 2015 - 10:56 PM, said:

I wake up this morning, I rush to my PC to see how StrikerMan is feeling, and how progress in coding is going, and I see all this. Took me couple of hours thinking. One part was what many would call praying. Praying for StrikerMan. I am not into confessional religions, I don't know to whom or what my mind talks, I do it how I feel it should be right. Second part of my thinking was: should I write my thought here, and if I do, how to absolutely -not- make things worse? I decided to say something, but only information. No judgement, no advices.
There is a saying: in every man's life, first 40 years of childhood are the hardest part. I am 47, and I confirm it is accurate. I happily married at 44, got my dream job the same year, and I got my Angel from heaven in flesh, my son, when I was 45. Now I am, well, still a child in part inside, but with some solid life's experience, and I feel like I know now some thing or two about values, and about that "simple question" - what is the meaning of life?" (about this one later). My message is - you, StrikerMan, have great stuff ahead, and I am guessing you are curious to see it, to experience it. You are at the beginning, and bumpy one. Right now you are collecting and fighting shit in your mind for strengthening immunity against it in future. Just like little baby advances body immunity by getting small sicknesses and fighting them. I wish you succeed to get strong mind and then you will not give a single fucks about "public opinion" by somebody, if it is bad one.

About "meaning of life", I have my own belief that something created us "in his own image" by meaning - it (he) made us Creators too. Unlike animals (but I love animals), we can create things that wasn't here before. Supposedly, things that make life better and more joy. Heck, maybe our mind power of creation even holds Universe together. Sure, we do a lot self destructive idiotic things as humanity, but I think that is because humanity is young and immature. It is also in its "hardest part of childhood". Everyone is doing its small part, by being not self destructive and being creators. I make electronics, you make those lines of code. We are f'k'n small Gods.

About games: I understand you try to unify TV/Fury/Hellbender in one piece. But maybe Hellbender engine is too different? all that TV model scaling you mentioned, probably something else too. Maybe you can make separate "New Hellbender" and "New TerminalFury", if thats easier? I am sure every real fan will love that.

StrikerMan, I am doing my praying thing for you. Live and love.

This and only this, except I'm not 47 years old and not a programmer.

[Juris3D]

Smoke Fumus, how is your new shiny "New Velocity HD" going? Got some shooting already? But seriously, maybe you have some estimates, when to expect what. I need my doses of fresh "TV" development injections. StrikerMan and you teased me with developments and contents, I got hooked to this sweet sweet narcotic, now please I need more

[Smoke Fumus]

Eh, it's slow. I basically need to reset whole terrain again and increase density of information, because it is quiet hard to measure a distance from the eye to the mountain in this setup

[Juris3D]

Smoke Fumus, on 10 August 2015 - 04:28 AM, said:

it is quiet hard to measure a distance from the eye to the mountain in this setup

Hmm, I think when there will be flying things to target, then mountains and distance to them will be secondary, just avoid them while fly and shoot things. And presence of ground objects or even trees will make some definition overall. About ground objects - I simply love those early screenshots with now 3D objects that was simply ground paintings in original TV. It totally gives recognition smile and fun how it looks now.

Oh, and what a bad manners I have sometimes: first of all - thanks for that dose of screenshots!

[Striker]

To Juris3D and DustFalcon: Thanks. (I'd have more to say, but I'm pretty tired right now. But just know that what you've said hasn't fallen on deaf ears.)

Juris, about the engine unification: The model scaling problem is also in TV and Fury3 alone. It's a legacy issue that has been around since the beginning, so the merger of engines are not what's causing me this issue.



I made that video for Mark. Hopefully he'll watch it. (I e-mailed it to him.)

[Striker]

Uploaded the first video of the port, in the previous post.

[Mark]

Is there some reason you can't upscale the models in a modelling program and put them back in?