Star Wars: Episode Thread "Because theres too many awesome things happening for a thread each"
#691 Posted 02 June 2022 - 11:44 AM
#692 Posted 03 June 2022 - 11:32 PM
I WILL NOT BE SPOILING THIS, I CAN'T BE FUCKING BOTHERED. SO AVERT YOUR EYES IF YOU CARE ENOUGH ABOUT THIS SHIT TO NOT BE SPOILED.
Everyone in this episode is fucking brain dead. Except Reva because of course she isn't. So the episode starts with Obi Wan getting on a mining planet controlled by the empire, they walk in the desert with Leia being the annoying introspective psychiatrist to Obi Wan. They craft a story were Obi wan is the father and Leia is his daughter and they are both from this shit town in the planet, don't remember don't care. Chobi Juan Que no Vi of tells her to not talk, and of course 15 seconds later when a truck approaches she talks and convinces the driver to get them a lift with some stupid story. To no ones surprise the driver works for the empire (because of course he does) and instead of Obi wan taking control of the situation and making a excuse to get the fuck out of there he goes along with Leia's "plan". Then a group of storm troopers get picked up by the same driver (of course) and Obi Wan and Leia have to make a stupid excuse again after getting questioned. Then fucking OBI WAN MESSES UP AND CALLS LEIA BY HER REAL NAME. I repeat, the adult Obi Wan gets exasperated with Leia and then calls her by her real name. In front of all the storm troopers.
So on another planet Reva gets to talk with Darth Vader and it's all bland dialogue that you could swear the writers were creaming their pants because their OC character was saying cool lines. Half this series seems to be written around "cool dialogue" and then writing everything else make it fit. Anyways she gets into a spat with the helmet boi inquisitor and then they sends probe to the mining planet. Also they go there.
Back with autistic Leia and retard Obi Wan they get to a check point and the driver sells them out because he obviously didn't buy their story. A quick action scene ensures were Obi Wan starts blasting, rescues Leia again and then they get rescued by the contact from the proto rebellion, who is obviously a strong woman. They get to this village where there is a safe house where apparently a lot of people persecuted by the empire (both Jedi and force sensitive have gone through)pass through. Like the slave railroad if you will. The walls are full of markings and scrabbles from the jedi and other folk. Fuck me side ways. Long story short Quinlan gets name dropped, a tense moment happens when some storm troopers come around and check the place.
Fast forward it's night and some shit is going down, so bad that Obi Wan gets like a force vision thing. Turns out Vader is in town. And of course because this days being intimidating is equated with being needlessly brutal Vader starts killing people to I think lure out Obi Wan. Obi Wan tells the rebel lady and Leia to run and that he will distract them and also makes rebel lady promise to stick to Leia and make sure she gets back to her family (spoilers she wont).
Fast forward a bit Vader feel Old Kenobi in the force and starts hunting him. Then there is this scene were in a mine they come across each other. Vader takes his lightsaber, Obi Wan takes out his without activating it and then he.... runs away. EVEN FUCKING VADER STANDS STILL AFTER THAT WITH A WTF BRO AURA. So Kenobi runs, tyring to hide himself while vader taunts him I think, and then he activates his fucking light saber. While he is hiding. In the dark. Again, fuck me. So of course Vader finds him.
And this is the part that really irks me. The writers had this one in a million chance to write a scene where both Vader and Obi Wan confront each other after Mustafar. Fanfictions have been written entirely around that fucking concept. Forum flame wars have been started by people disagreeing on what they would talk about. And what do this retards write?
Quote
Quote
It was the most retarded, idiotic dialogue to be ever written by men and women. A more generic piss poor dialogue they couldn't have written, I swear. And then a fight scene starts were depressed Obi Wan gets the shit beaten out of him.
Back to Leia and generic strong woman #818981 the rebel lady stops and appears conflicted. Then LEIA TELLS HER TO GO AND HELP OBI WAN AND LEAVE HER ALONE. I just... I just can't. On Reva's side she, of course, figures out that there is a safe house and an escape tunnel, and obviously goes right in like a bat out of hell.
Back to Obi Wan getting the smack down of his life, Vader starts levitating him, throws to the floor some flammable material that he force grabbed from a convenient container nearby then he ignites it with his light saber. After that he throws Obi Wan into the fire, were fucking Kenobi doesn't catch fire. At all. He just gets his side burnt a bit. Then Vader proceeds to kill the fire via force push and proceed to oredr a group of storm troopers to take Kenobi. This is important because rebel lady and a robot save Kenobi by shooting at the flammable shit AGAIN, and for whatever reason fucking Vader doesn't force push the fire. Because fuck me Vader has to do what the script demands I guess.
Finally to the surprise of no one Leia arrives at the place she was supposed to escape and Reva was already waiting for her. Even if Reva went in after her. Because fuck logic.
Fuck this shit.
#693 Posted 04 June 2022 - 05:34 AM
#695 Posted 04 June 2022 - 11:17 AM
#696 Posted 04 June 2022 - 12:01 PM
This post has been edited by Jimmy: 04 June 2022 - 12:01 PM
#697 Posted 04 June 2022 - 09:51 PM
So this is a picture of what I was talking about:
@phredreeke: I'm glad you liked it mate because I sure didn't.
Also a lot of articles are coming out that if you have criticism about the show and Reva well you are racist and sexist. And Ewan Magregor also came to the defense of the show like the leftist simp that he is. Which is all ironic because this are clearly hit pieces by the company that not only erased Finn from the chinese movie cover thing and shat on his character and Jon Boyega in favor of Rey, but they are also the company that thanked a concentration camp in the credits of Mulan.
I really really wish someone just put out Star Wars out of its misery. Take out behind the barn and shoot it in the head. Because the way things are going this is gonna be The Last Jedi way over again.
#698 Posted 04 June 2022 - 10:41 PM
This post has been edited by Ninety-Six: 04 June 2022 - 10:43 PM
#699 Posted 05 June 2022 - 09:50 AM
jkas789, on 04 June 2022 - 09:51 PM, said:
So this is a picture of what I was talking about:
That's the
#701 Posted 07 June 2022 - 09:21 PM
WHY aren't there any passionate Star Wars fans who already know and care about the lore crafting these stories? Why is LucasFilm hiring outside talent who know NOTHING about any of this?? I mean, it's no wonder that this all feels like generic drivel and not something that would be a response to what fans really wanted to see. They just have their story beats they know they have to implement and that's it.
Aaaggggghhh
This post has been edited by MusicallyInspired: 07 June 2022 - 09:23 PM
#702 Posted 07 June 2022 - 10:59 PM
#705 Posted 09 June 2022 - 10:50 PM
MusicallyInspired, on 07 June 2022 - 09:21 PM, said:
I hate this so much.
@Nintey-Six: I am getting to the point of not caring anymore. The only hill I'm ready to die on is LOTR though, and it all points to being a mess a la star wars.
#706 Posted 10 June 2022 - 05:24 AM
This post has been edited by Malgon: 10 June 2022 - 05:25 AM
#707 Posted 10 June 2022 - 10:42 PM
Reva pulled out of her ass at the end. I know it is a minor nitpick and we need to get a confrontation but it feels cheap.
Over all a marked improvement from last episode, however I'm very cautious on where this is going.
#708 Posted 15 June 2022 - 11:48 PM
Otherwise we have the same dumb barely passable nonsense of:
So yeah, aside from that, it's a 7/10 for me. Vader carries this hard.
This post has been edited by jkas789: 15 June 2022 - 11:49 PM
#709 Posted 16 June 2022 - 11:02 PM
#711 Posted 24 June 2022 - 07:37 AM
#712 Posted 24 June 2022 - 08:04 PM
SPOILERS AHEAD, IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT THEN DON'T BLAME ME IF I SPOIL THE WHOLE EPISODE. I'M AT THE POINT THAT I GENUINELY DON'T CARE ANYMORE, SO FUCK IT HERE WE GO.
For starters we see Obi Wan and the
Fuck off writers you inconsistent pieces of ass!
Then we got the captain or whatever telling the refugees that everything is gonna be just fine, just to then tell privately to Kenobi that "nah bro, we toast". Then Kenobi goes into self sacrificing mode and plots the daring plan to get the "escape ship" and bait the SD, giving time to the
Anyways Kenobi goes suicidal yet again and takes the escape
On Tatooine Reva intimidates a bully (bEcAuSe sHe iS STaRtiNg hEr ReDempTion aRc!) then scares the location of Owen's farm out of a poor guy. Fortunately for Owen he gets a heads up from that same schmuck and they get out of the city to their farm. Now, lets back up for a bit. Remember that message from Bail Organa were he told Kenobi that he was getting worried and he was going to wait for Obi and Leia in Tatooine, a long with trying to help Owen out and protect Luke? the same message that conveniently survived and conveniently gave the location of where Obi Wan could be to Reva while she was suffering from having a lightsaber put through her gut? Yeah well that was a fucking lie because Bail is completely absent from this episode and it is a testament to how little they the writers care for the continuity and existing lore of the series.
Little rant aside of a massive plot hole, Owen gets to his farm and tells Beru that Reva is on the planet and that they should run. So what happens next? The strong and brave Beru says fuck that noise and convinces her husband to fucking fight a fucking Inquisitor, a sith in all but fucking name. fr. Take a moment and consider that. They don't even know if Reva is alone or not, but by the mother fucking force and the power of armor they will fucking face her head on. So then they take out their blaster rifles and decide to WAIT till she comes to the farm at night to fight her.
While they hide inside their home. Which is in the middle of a barren desert. Where they could sniper her from afar. Instead of getting in range of her lightsaber.
Fuck me.
On the other side of the galaxy Obi Wan and Vader meet up and fight and this is one of the few genuinely good things of the series. Is is not a great fight, but compared to the other fights in the ST and this series it is a masterpiece. It definitely does not have the realistic samurai feeling of the OT, the very stylistic flair of the PT, or the sometimes gritty western-brutality of The Mandalorian (and let's be honest here the Mandalorian very much was a Western inspired show), but it's a happy middle ground between OT and PT that I enjoyed very very much.
Sadly the plot must move on and Vader eventually overcomes Kenobi and buries him under a bunch of rocks. And then of course Obi Wan starts having flashbacks while he struggles to use the force to stop the rocks from flattening his ass. Then I shit you not, we start seeing images of Luke and Leia, except it goes something like this: Leia, Leia, Luke, Leia, Leia, Luke, Leia, Leia, Leia, Leia, Leia. Luke, the boy he has been ostensibly protecting and basically stalking for the last 10 years? He is basically an afterthought compared to Leia. It's so obvious they threw in images of Luke because they had to, not because they wanted to. Anyways, through the power of stalking a little boy and being nanny to another Obi Wan gets his groove back and basically beats the shit out of Vader (in another cool scene) until vader is on his knees and with his mask broken. They have a bit of a back and forth that was utterly predictable for anyone who has wrote character dialogue at least once in their entire lives. You had one chance writers and you go with that shitty dialogue? Really? If nothing else, kudos to Ewan Magregor and Christian Hayden (I think that is his name?) You can tell both actors have a lot of chemistry and they truly elevate the shit dialogue that they gave them when they both are on screen.
So the plot must move forward and this is the part where I just can't. So after Kenobi hypes himself up to kill fucking Anakin, he lets him live. Again. Like, I get this has to happen because the writers have to fake that they care about the over arching plot of the series. But within the context of this series it makes no fucking sense. MOTHERFUCKER, THIS IS DARTH VADER. He is basically the boogeyman of the "rebellion". You have seen him killing innocent civilians, he is a fucking monster and you let him fucking live? AGAIN?
After that Obi Wan gets a notification from the
Quote
So you are telling me, that they had a hyper drive capable ship and they didn't use it. At all. MOTHER FUCKER THERE WEREN'T EVEN THAT MUCH PEOPLE. SURE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE BEING INSIDE A CAN OF SARDINES BUT COME ON!
Sigh.
Back on Tatooine, Night falls and Reva enters Owen's moisture farm where she gets... "ambushed" by both Owen and Beru. Basically it is a "one sided" affair where the highlights are that Owen pokes Reva in her abdomen, hitting her injury only to get smacked down later. Same thing with Beru. And thanks to the power of plot armor, somehow, both of them didn't get killed. Now here is my problem with all this: Reva has a hole in her abdomen that went all the way through (although IMO in the other episode the stab seemed to be much higher in the torax, but whatever Disney I can roll with it) at least the other side. From this photo here:
The injury (that is definitely not healed) seems to be in the right lower quadrant, close to the Umbilical region. So my point is this: Bitch, are you telling me that bitch survived getting her ascending colon, part of her small intestine, maybe left kidney, maybe her gonadal artery and worst case scenario her common iliac vein and artery deleted out of fucking existence. Along with getting cooked on the inside by said plasma sword. And the massive bleeding. Bitch Qui Gon Jin died from that same wound and you are telling me this woman survived getting part of her abdomen deleted from existence twice?! Is she Wolverine? That is fucking regeneration to crazy levels! I know we use the force as a deus ex machina but come on. I can only suspend my disbelief that much!
There is no way Reva survives that, it's fucking impossible. I don't care how much space magic you throw at it you are fucking regenerating organs, muscles skin, never mind the crazy amount of blood she would loose because even if her common iliac artery/vein and gonadal artery weren't hit the ascending colon is very vascularized, let alone the kidneys. THIS FUCKING CONFRONTATION SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED AT ALL!
sigh x2
Moving again Luke escapes the farm and the slowest chase to ever happen Reva goes after him. He manages to hide in a nearby canyon for a while till Reva detects him and then yeets him with the force, after which he falls unconscious when he receives a nasty hit on the head. Aaaaaaaaand of course Reva can't bring herself to kill him because she doesn't want to be Vader. Reva, the same woman who cut off a random woman's hand, almost tortured Leia and has probably killed a shit ton of people, can't kill Luke because she feels guilty. WELL THAT IS MIGHTILY CONVENIENT! The plot armor is strong with you Luke. Fast forward and Obi Wan gets back to see Reva bring in Luke, and after absolving her of her sins, everything is absolutely fine.
Finally we get a scene were Obi Wan tells Leia how brave and strong how she is the best of the best and oh God kill me this is pathetic. We are also ignoring the fact that Leia personally knows who Obi Wan is which goes against the canon of the OT but whatever I guess. We also get another scene between Vader and Palpatine which is absolutely forgettable and to end on a optimistic note Obi Wan rides into the sunset while following Liam Nesson and to a likely season 2.
In the end, I'm done with Star Wars. It is full of stupid plot holes, rugrats level of tomfoolery and sidelining of better characters for other less interesting characters. It was a good ride bois, but I want off.
This post has been edited by jkas789: 24 June 2022 - 08:04 PM
#713 Posted 29 June 2022 - 03:41 PM
#717 Posted 06 November 2022 - 09:12 PM
here they are, side by side:
https://viewsync.net...t=0.8&mode=solo
It's not a 1:1 sync though, since some scenes are longer in one or the other.
Idk if it's a known thing, i just noticed it.
This post has been edited by Lazy Dog: 06 November 2022 - 09:58 PM