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The Post Thread

User is offline   Hank 

#21571

^ My best maps are still there, with high marks. I'm grateful for this.
I’m still here, because I love Ion Fury, and to rant. :)

This post has been edited by Hank: 03 July 2020 - 07:33 PM

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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21572



I hate the fact that they have to do an unlimited number and infinite variety of downtrodden boy teen romance movies.
But I will watch this one, and judge it incredibly harshly.
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User is offline   Forge 

  • Speaker of the Outhouse

#21573

View PostSanek, on 03 July 2020 - 05:31 PM, said:

Sometimes I feel kinda sad that CGS forums is basically a ghost town now,

Puritan still uploads maps. Only really old ones get reviewed though.
As for the forum, it was moderated with a heavy hand, so people migrated to the other major forum that respected people's opinions (until Yatta stepped back)
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User is offline   Mark 

#21574

Years ago I tried getting on that site. IIRC I signed up ( or requested to join, I forgot which ) and waited for confirmation that never came. I inquired about it again later, got no response and gave up on that site.
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User is offline   Forge 

  • Speaker of the Outhouse

#21575

That was originally my responsibility. When Puritan removed me from the forum admin role due to differences of opinion, he prob forgot to change the notification setting to go to him, so your request got sent to a dead letter inbox that nobody checked.

This post has been edited by Forge: 19 July 2020 - 11:14 AM

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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21576

I permanently ended contact with my best friend today.

I've been trying to contact her off and on for the past handful of months, and absolutely nothing.

We used to talk all the time, she was the only person other than family that called me every day while I was in the psych ward.

I relied on her for my psychotic episodes and talking about things that I needed kept secret as we were very much alike with just about everything and I could relate to her as we both experienced psychosis.

I finally got in contact with her today, I stated my name, and she hung up with no explanation.

I have no vague idea why she's acting like this.

So, that was my last time trying to get in touch with her, I sent her a respectful message saying that I had deleted her number and it was good bye.

This is definitely going to leave a gaping hole in my life, but it is what it is.

Sure fate will serve me with someone like her one day.
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#21577

View PostThe Overman, on 21 July 2020 - 01:49 AM, said:

I permanently ended contact with my best friend today.

I've been trying to contact her off and on for the past handful of months, and absolutely nothing.

We used to talk all the time, she was the only person other than family that called me every day while I was in the psych ward.

I relied on her for my psychotic episodes and talking about things that I needed kept secret as we were very much alike with just about everything and I could relate to her as we both experienced psychosis.

I finally got in contact with her today, I stated my name, and she hung up with no explanation.

I have no vague idea why she's acting like this.

So, that was my last time trying to get in touch with her, I sent her a respectful message saying that I had deleted her number and it was good bye.

This is definitely going to leave a gaping hole in my life, but it is what it is.

Sure fate will serve me with someone like her one day.


Friendships where you relate to each other based on how shit your lives are never end well.

Usually it's the person just wanting to move on. Sometimes you're a reminder of how bad their life used to be, or currently is (if you're doing better than they are), or what they wish they could leave behind.

Then again, I once knew a schizophrenic who would suddenly freak out at me and imagine all kinds of weird scenarios in their head in which I was the enemy or involved in some grand conspiracy that sought to destroy them. Didn't talk to that person for about a year, but they eventually came back.
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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21578

View PostCartaphilus, on 21 July 2020 - 02:18 AM, said:

Friendships where you relate to each other based on how shit your lives are never end well.

Usually it's the person just wanting to move on. Sometimes you're a reminder of how bad their life used to be, or currently is (if you're doing better than they are), or what they wish they could leave behind.

Then again, I once knew a schizophrenic who would suddenly freak out at me and imagine all kinds of weird scenarios in their head in which I was the enemy or involved in some grand conspiracy that sought to destroy them. Didn't talk to that person for about a year, but they eventually came back.

Yeah I didn't ever flip out on her, most of my time is spent in isolation because of general paranoia.

She has bpd with recurrent psychotic depression so sometimes she's very distant, but it's never for months.

It wasn't solely talking about how shit our lives were, we talked about everything, and I mean everything.

Hot actors and actresses, sexual experiences, relationships, general stuff that was going on in our lives.

We had a lot of similarities, I always joked around that we were twins seperated at birth, she agreed with that statement.

It's just so incredibly odd that a seemingly good friendship ended without some form of clarification.

If this happened a couple of months ago, I probably wouldn't be able to handle myself, so I'm getting better at emotional control.

But fuck, closure would be nice you know?

I had to call one of my exfriends that had a genuine reason to be an exfriend, I called because I wanted to talk about a new negative I was experiencing, and I felt I needed somebody who could relate, to talk about it.

She answered and it was fairly good conversation.

The man that thinks everyone deserves hell, thinks that he deserves closure, I know it's a contradiction.

But fuck it hurts.
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#21579

Give it time mate. I "waited" as much as 3 years to get closure from a few people, but it did come.
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#21580

If you want random, off-topic memes, I have a fuck tonne of 'em. lotsa spicy shitpost memes worth laughing at.

Attached thumbnail(s)

  • Attached Image: breaking-news (5).png


This post has been edited by DukeMeister44: 21 July 2020 - 10:48 AM

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User is offline   Sanek 

#21581

@Forge So Puritan was the reason people left CGS? I was there, and I don't remember that it as you had just described. Or maybe I didn't read the threads that caused all this.

@Hank excuse me, but...who are you? What nickname did you have when you made maps? Man, I feel so embarrassed right now. :)


Anyway. I can't help it, but every time when I visit CGS, I have that scene from Lion King in my head, when Simba returns to Pride Rock:

https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/531c716ce4b0f6dda98c0d9c/1540472601789-DNYWZ9PCBBHB0BGZ8GKU/ke17ZwdGBToddI8pDm48kNvT88LknE-K9M4pGNO0Iqd7gQa3H78H3Y0txjaiv_0fDoOvxcdMmMKkDsyUqMSsMWxHk725yiiHCCLfrh8O1z5QPOohDIaIeljMHgDF5CVlOqpeNLcJ80NK65_fV7S1USOFn4xF8vTWDNAUBm5ducQhX-V3oVjSmr829Rco4W2Uo49ZdOtO_QXox0_W7i2zEA/Pridelands.jpg?format=1500w

I wonder what would be if DNR forums wasn't closed.
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User is offline   Forge 

  • Speaker of the Outhouse

#21582

View PostSanek, on 21 July 2020 - 05:21 PM, said:

@Forge So Puritan was the reason people left CGS? I was there, and I don't remember that it as you had just described. Or maybe I didn't read the threads that caused all this.

Puritan deleted a bunch of posts. Then he posted that he didn't give a damn about the forum and could delete the entire thing and remove it from the site for all he cared.
I was removed from forum admin shortly after that because I didn't agree with post deletion & felt that he should let me run it as I saw fit since it was supposed to be my responsibility.
'Course I also told him in private that if he didn't care about the forum, wasn't letting me manage it, & wasn't letting me have any control on uploads and reviews after they were posted, then he really didn't need me at all. He agreed and gave his reasons as to why things were they way they were. So we went our separate ways on friendly terms. He provided the platform, I provided most of the content; in the end, the owner of the platform has the final say & I'm fine with it. We're still good.

I'm going to assume that without Kim, Numan would have run everyone out of the DN-R forum because of heavy handed moderation & creative editing of other people's posts.

This post has been edited by Forge: 21 July 2020 - 07:49 PM

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User is online   Danukem 

  • Duke Plus Developer

#21583

View PostThe Overman, on 21 July 2020 - 02:35 AM, said:

It's just so incredibly odd that a seemingly good friendship ended without some form of clarification.


My first reaction upon reading what happened is that maybe she now has a relationship with a very controlling person who has jealously demanded that she cease interactions with you. Maybe this person fulfills some of her needs so she is willing to sacrifice some of her freedom and friendships. But that's just wild speculation.
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User is offline   Forge 

  • Speaker of the Outhouse

#21584

Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable sharing her feelings with more than one person. Being mentally 'intimate' with someone other than her mate could make her paranoid, or feel guilty.
Might not have anything to do with the person she's with trying to influence or control her.
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#21585

Never, ever form any kind of reliance or attachment to a human being, ever. I speak from experience.
When I was really young, I didn't give a damn about the whole friends thing, decided to give the whole 'being sociable' nonsense a go in my college years, made loads of 'good' friends. We used to hang out all the time, go places, do stuff, help each other out... Then they got jobs, and partners, and BMWs, and debt (houses owned by the bank), they didn't want to talk to me any more, said I 'wasn't quite of the same standing as their group' any more and that I wasn't worth having anything to do with. It was all good when I had the money, the girls, the drugs and the popularity. Whatever, I don't have time for people like that anyway, I'm glad I don't have anything to do with them any more and excluding people like that from my life, whether initially by choice or not, is one of the best things that ever happened.

Do I have friends now? Sure, but I don't rely on them and would (figuratively) stab them in the neck at a moment's notice, they'd do the same for me - something we're generally quite open about - it's only human nature. Try it, pay someone to hold a knife to your friend's throat and have them ask said friend 'you or him?' because they'll choose your suffering over theirs every time, it's every man for himself when it really matters.

Humans suck, find something better to spend your time on.
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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21586

View PostTrooper Dan, on 21 July 2020 - 07:43 PM, said:

My first reaction upon reading what happened is that maybe she now has a relationship with a very controlling person who has jealously demanded that she cease interactions with you. Maybe this person fulfills some of her needs so she is willing to sacrifice some of her freedom and friendships. But that's just wild speculation.


That's a probability because she was putting herself in a sugar daddy situation even though she is a lesbian, she makes minimum wage in a backwoods state, and I wasn't strongly against it, I've done things and my family has done things for money along with making certain things disappear, but I just didn't want her ending up with someone like me who has certain fetishes that are perfectly legal just not very acceptable, or in an abusive relationship, and if that's happened it's understandable.

It's just sad.

I've been her friend through many relationships, her abusive husband, her cheating ex, and her manipulative girlfriend.

I never kept relationships personally as I see myself as an absolute despot of a person, and no matter what pills I take, how many friends I have, how they say otherwise, proof that I am not, an abundant amount of therapy, that doesn't change.

Anyways, I know she's at least doing ok with being way too active on social media accounts, and all in all that's all that matters.

And to high treason, what you said reminded me of a quote.

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent... But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you.
On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it...You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief... But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.You know what pain is. You know what love is. "All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment"

- Tuesdays with Morrie

I have definitely learned to detach alot better in the past couple of months.

This post has been edited by The Overman: 21 July 2020 - 11:04 PM

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#21587

View PostHigh Treason, on 21 July 2020 - 08:27 PM, said:

Humans suck, find something better to spend your time on.




I think I'd be in the same boat if it wasn't for my need for female attention. It ensured I'd form enough of a personality/skill set to be interesting to the opposite sex, and through them, be introduced to other people, etc. Nothing like the approval of women to smooth out any flaws and make you acceptable to the broader community. At my core I am very antisocial, though.
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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21588

View PostCartaphilus, on 22 July 2020 - 12:49 AM, said:

I think I'd be in the same boat if it wasn't for my need for female attention. It ensured I'd form enough of a personality/skill set to be interesting to the opposite sex, and through them, be introduced to other people, etc. Nothing like the approval of women to smooth out any flaws and make you acceptable to the broader community. At my core I am very antisocial, though.


I totally believed you when you posted that link to "your" twitter showing off that you were female, guess I need not trust in your word any longer.


I've never sought out a need for any particular attention, I firmly believe that being true to your own values, yourself, and sticking to your word are the only things that matter in this life.

Changing such values or who you are to appease a certain group of people or to be accepted into societal standards is a trade I'm not willing to make. With the loss of the individual we lose our humanity.

A solid half of my friends are male and the solid other half are female so it's not like I don't have anyone to talk to or am a fan of the sausagefest. I do treasure my female friends a bit more because I feel I can relate to them better, but doing anything to seek anyone's approval is against everything I believe in, and is moral suicide, of which to me is a fate worse then death.
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User is online   Danukem 

  • Duke Plus Developer

#21589

View PostThe Overman, on 22 July 2020 - 05:48 PM, said:

I totally believed you when you posted that link to "your" twitter showing off that you were female, guess I need not trust in your word any longer.


In fairness, he did clarify that a few posts later. Although I do think it's a dick move to post someone's twitter account and imply it's yours, risking that the person be harassed as a result.
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User is offline   Forge 

  • Speaker of the Outhouse

#21590

View PostTrooper Dan, on 22 July 2020 - 05:55 PM, said:

risking that the person be harassed as a result.

this isn't rheesetera, or doucheworld, but it is a public forum and the risk is there

you should probably mod that part of the post away

This post has been edited by Forge: 22 July 2020 - 06:55 PM

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#21591

View PostThe Overman, on 21 July 2020 - 10:53 PM, said:

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent... But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you.
On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it...You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief... But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.You know what pain is. You know what love is. "All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment"

It's a cool quote, but this is more a case of not putting your hand in the stove again when you discover how much it burns, as this seems like wasted effort and needless distress.
Either way, hopefully your situation doesn't cause you too much of a hard time.


View PostCartaphilus, on 22 July 2020 - 12:49 AM, said:

I think I'd be in the same boat if it wasn't for my need for female attention. It ensured I'd form enough of a personality/skill set to be interesting to the opposite sex, and through them, be introduced to other people, etc. Nothing like the approval of women to smooth out any flaws and make you acceptable to the broader community. At my core I am very antisocial, though.

That was one of the toughest things initially, but eventually you get over the need for anything meaningful, as well as learn how to silence the part of your brain that nags you about it.

I realized something not all that long ago (maybe a year back) that I'm not sure of how I never figured out sooner, which is how once I left education my luck with women vanished - and I didn't used to need luck, I could get practically any girl I wanted.
This was largely as I had the gaul to go over and actually talk to them, ask them out on a date, get their number, where most of my friends were scared to do that. Plus I took up figure skating, which was very beneficial, because only girls and 'gays' did figure skating and I now had a common interest with which to start a conversation over... plus I always wanted to do it anyway, because hockey was too easy and figure skating looked cool. Unfortunately the local arena banned this form of skating to put all of their focus on hockey instead. Aside from some guy in his late 60s, I was the only male figure skater they had.

Anyway, yeah. For a while I felt kinda shit, thinking I'd lost my looks or my personality, denting my confidence. Then I stopped caring. It was only when I fully stopped caring that it struck me, none of the girls I ever went out with were from my city. It then struck me that none of my friends have ever been from this city. My family is not from this city either - although they are widespread in and around it as of the last couple of generations and I might have dated a girl in my teens who had a picture of my grandma amongst her family photos on her mantelpiece. My family were rolling around in caravans and operating fairground attractions until only a generation or two before mine.
In fact I never got along with anyone from this city, they don't even speak English and I don't speak whatever retarded dialect they use - well, I can, but then they think I'm mocking them and get angry, although they find real English threatening and get mad at you for talking that way too, because they think you're being an asshole for not speaking their language, and at least 80% of their language comprises of hollow threats. (A local greeting would consist of something akin to "Aya, owsyer, owsbains? Corinitcerld, nitherin op rerd." or that's as best as I can Romanize it.)
If I leave town, girls (and other people) don't scowl at me or yell at me, they smile at me. If I go somewhere for long enough, I don't even have to approach them, sometimes they'll come over to me. Eventually I reasoned that it was surely no flaw of my own and that it was the place I'm stuck in, and the idiots who live in it. Problem is, I'm stuck here and have no way to leave for more than a few hours at a time.
In a real jam, the city has one thing going for it. The idiots who live here have voted for the same shitty government they complain about for so many generations now, that there are no jobs anywhere, which makes prostitution very cheap if all you want is to shoot your load into something. It isn't very fulfilling, however, and you get what you pay for, which is to say, extremely poor quality. This city is notoriously shit, as are the people from it. Avoid at all costs. If only the predictions had been right about it sinking back into the swamp by now.
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#21592

View PostThe Overman, on 22 July 2020 - 05:48 PM, said:

Changing such values or who you are to appease a certain group of people or to be accepted into societal standards is a trade I'm not willing to make. With the loss of the individual we lose our humanity.


I didn't change my values in any way to appease the ladies. I was talking about why I didn't become a complete shut-in. Too horny, really. All I did was get an education, get a job, and develop my ideas so I could converse without embarrassing myself. I'm definitely not a people pleaser in any way, but chick's dig a curve ball.

PS: I can still be female for you, if you want. After all, this is the internet. So hey, hot stuff. :)

View PostHigh Treason, on 22 July 2020 - 11:53 PM, said:

It was only when I fully stopped caring that it struck me, none of the girls I ever went out with were from my city. It then struck me that none of my friends have ever been from this city.

Problem is, I'm stuck here and have no way to leave for more than a few hours at a time.


I had one terrible experience with a local girl who treated me like garbage and after that I pretty much gave up on them, haha. Bit premature one might say, but eh. Most of my friends now are expats, including my wife, and I'm happier that way. Had a terrible time growing up here, but as far as the economy and general quality of life, Estonia's not the worst place. I'm still more stuck than I'd like to be, though.

For some reason a few of your more personal videos on your channel resonated with me. I think you're a bright fella and shouldn't have to deal with the level of BS that you (sometimes) do.

This post has been edited by Cartaphilus: 23 July 2020 - 01:37 AM

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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21593

View PostCartaphilus, on 23 July 2020 - 01:25 AM, said:

PS: I can still be female for you, if you want. After all, this is the internet. So hey, hot stuff. :)


Well, I assume by your demeanor, you and I are not on the same page per se with our preferences.

I actually would consider myself to be asexual more so than bisexual, sure I enjoy sex,
but I don't seek it out, I've never truly experienced legitimate sexual attraction in my life,
and I don't have a personal preference male or female when it comes to such a thing.

I'm more into traditional bdsm then intercourse,
as it's one of two ways I'll allow the voices to do what they want
and it feels good because of that.

I wouldn't say I enjoy hurting people,
or enjoy getting hurt,
but the voices do.

Without such things cutting,
ripping toenails out with pliers,
scratching myself with a variety of objects,
large things in a certain place,
burning or high heat minimal contact,
it sucks because I have a very high resistance to pain,
I found this out in mcmap when we were sparring or training,
I just obviously didn't feel anywhere near as much as the other guy,
in fact my gunnery sgt. with a black belt and 2 red tabs tested this,(Trained black belt level instructors)
and he was like are you sure you're not feeling this,
and I was like feels like you're rubbing my thigh gunnery sgt.
So i have to go to extremes
and I don't like that.

So bdsm is the better, healthier, and only real way to go
that fits with my personal morals.

I'm scared of myself,
frightened in fact,
that if i ever lose control totally,
I'll end up ending someones life, my own,
or hurting someone I care about severely.

Because of how much a side of me,
likes all of this.

So I definitely need this in check before I delve into any added stress or into a relationship with anyone,
along with better emotional control,
as I do thoroughly enjoy good conversation with good company and I'd like some guaranteed stability in that regard for hopefully most of my life.

clubs are nice every once in a while,
coronavirus has that shutdown.

This post has been edited by The Overman: 23 July 2020 - 05:53 AM

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#21594

View PostThe Overman, on 23 July 2020 - 05:52 AM, said:

Well, I assume by your demeanor, you and I are not on the same page per se with our preferences.


Just trying to be friendly. You seemed hurt. I'll maintain people's fantasies if it makes em happy.

That said, let the cop killings begin! Down with the state, God is dead!!!

Antifa troops engage! I say this is an ordained minister of George Soros' cult of death and destruction!
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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21595

View PostCartaphilus, on 23 July 2020 - 06:00 AM, said:

Just trying to be friendly. You seemed hurt. I'll maintain people's fantasies if it makes em happy.


I wasn't hurt at all,
I just have always hated people who outwardly hate people,
And people that consistently lie are just people who outwardly hate themselves.
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#21596

Damn man, that sounds hardcore. Do you like Slipknot?
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User is offline   Balls of Steel Forever 

  • Balls of Steel Forever

#21597

View PostCartaphilus, on 23 July 2020 - 09:51 AM, said:

Damn man, that sounds hardcore. Do you like Slipknot?

No I typically listen to classical and shoegaze.
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#21598

That's not on par with your edge, but I understand you're a complex and multi faceted individual. Shoegaze is cool though.
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User is offline   Jeff 

#21599

I've had this water or fluid behind my eardrum for a couple weeks. Going to go to a doc to check it out. Was starting to burn and give me headaches.
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User is offline   Forge 

  • Speaker of the Outhouse

#21600

View PostJeff, on 24 July 2020 - 10:28 AM, said:

I've had this water or fluid behind my eardrum for a couple weeks. Going to go to a doc to check it out. Was starting to burn and give me headaches.

yes. go to the doctor.
if it burns & gives you headaches it might be an infection
1

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