jkas789, on 13 June 2021 - 11:22 PM, said:
You have no idea. I have literally wanted to seriously quit at least like 8 times with how demoralizing and shit the system is in México. You think gringos have it bad but they really, really have no idea how good off they are.
However unironically, there is something to be said for that feeling of doing something meaningful for people within your reach, even if at the end of the day it amounts to nothing but piss in the wind when compared to the increasingly soul less machine that is the Mexican Public Health System.
I'll tell you sincerely, a lot of your frustration is probably rooted in your age as well. Not sure if it's our generation in particular and how much of the phenomenon is a consequence of extra social pressure during Covid, but I've noticed this trend in mindset where most people in their early 30's who have reached their ideal profession (usually after years of personal effort and investment fueled by raw belief) quickly burn out on whatever their field is once they realize which strings really are pulled for the whole system they operate in to even function.
Also it's always tempting to think your case is a particular and isolated one in such situations but - although every individual case obviously comes with its technical specifics - it's really not, regardless of one's field and country of origin, as though a general manifestation of something larger. I'm sure you're aware that these people you like to call 'gringos' come from a variety of (also culturally) different places that really are just as fucked up as yours, just in their own language, corruption and the excesses of capitalism and their side effects on the human mind seem universal to me, the exact mindset you're demonstrating here I've seen it expressed by many friends from countries such as Brazil or places in Eastern Europe where everything is equally fucked, just in a different position. Something I've observed is those places are so stigmatized by the media as lower-tier (because there is only so much economy to conquer there and the approach seems to be profit over people), even the local communities will believe the demoralizing hype around their supposed inferiority, that their local context in particular is especially doomed and the grass has to be much greener on some other side (that just so happens to be for sale, what a coincidence) - except that other side really only exists so much, a big part of it is a projection of the image of the world as being sold in the media. In reality no matter their pseudo-sophistication, everyone in the world suffers from the same causes on different levels, everyone has their richer regions and ghettos where the poor stack up in unhealthy conditions, everyone suffers from oppression, develops the same personal frustrations and neurosis and in no country in the world does it feel good to be sick or homeless in a resourceless area. Now, I'm well aware of the privileges and that places such as India have people literally dying on the streets with their corpses just staying there (in such realities, the idea of Western-style medical care is pure phantasm), but more developed countries aren't exactly an absolute utopia either, they have their perversions and plagues that kill people too and just better equipped and trained to hide the bodies (literally or metaphorically). Absolute misery is absolute misery - at the end of the day if everyone thinks they have it particularly bad then, really, there is no denying anyone - but that's because they're all correct in some way or another.
What I mean here is actually difficult for me to express without coming off as some privileged asshole (especially on the Internet and despite my actual reality of someone who struggles for food and rent, which I'm aware is still more comfortable than having no roof over my head), I guess what I do mean to convey is the idea that there's a stage in misery where your context becomes an abstraction and the look in the eyes of the suffering people worldwide is the same. And although there will be obvious disparities in general comfort from country to country, there is part of that apparent facade that is pure Woody Allen-styled distraction only meant to divide the people even further, all the while fueling the economy and international competition while everyone is busy trying to 'make it' (oftentimes 'out'), and this form of mass media-based manipulation and cardboard imagery in particular I'm not really trying to play along. What's especially disheartening to me is when the people actually has all the strength they need (and usually then some) to conquer whatever their demons are, but they never realize that due to being bombarded by constant reminders of how they're supposedly weak and, really, better off waiting for an outside savior to
pillage help them. That in particular is being a victim of politics.
Also bound to our age group is being practically forced to come to terms with exactly how both powerless and powerful we are as individuals. Some have no problem accepting the idea that they personally only have so much control over how the world (but also where this little control really resides) from an early age on, whereas some believe in their own ego and the actual value of their naive aspirations for a little longer, oftentimes until it bites them in the face. I don't think that's depressing at all though, at the end of the day that's really just learning finer control over the direction of your life, and recognizing this or that usual investment of time and energy of yours as either worthwhile or a mistake
[1]. Anyhow try and keep your chin up, I reckon that's not the most tempting thing to do whilst in a non-stop shit storm but the second you look down is when you get buried.
[1]I have been working on my Duke Nukem 3D fan episode for two years.