Worst Duke Nukem 3D "ports" "Feel free to add on to this list!"
#1 Posted 08 February 2015 - 11:42 AM
Duke Nukem 3D for the Genesis - a rare illegal title from a Brazilian developer
Duke Nukem 3D for the Game.com - a failed handheld desperate to attain a more mature audience than the other "boy"
I'll just let this next video speak for itself. Whoever thought that a portable LCD-based game would be worthy of the Duke 3D crown....let's just say there's a special place in hell.
#2 Posted 08 February 2015 - 02:32 PM
Are there any other craptastic Duke 3D ports such as the Mega Drive and Game.com releases?
#3 Posted 08 February 2015 - 03:23 PM
I'd like to add the original Android and iOS ports to this list. It appears Machineworks NorthWest farmed them out to some guy who developed a renderer used in a lot of mobile shovelware games, and he pretty much got the game barely rendering and decided he was done. All of the sound effects are converted into .wav files at the wrong sample rates so nothing in the game sounds correct (they also sound like they get played one at a time through system sound APIs meant for notification sounds), none of the on-screen sprite rendering is hooked up correctly (there's not even a health or ammo display correctly implemented, just a cheap indicator bar that appears to draw a pixel or two for every point of health the player has), the controls are unworkable to the point of being nearly completely unplayable, tile animation speeds are screwed up and animating tiles frequently just vanish, the weapon firing rates are all wrong because the actual weapon firing occurs from a callback from the input thread rather than from the main thread and dictated by the game timer, etc.
#5 Posted 08 February 2015 - 06:21 PM
(Note: This is not my video)
MrBlackCat
This post has been edited by MrBlackCat: 08 February 2015 - 07:13 PM
#6 Posted 08 February 2015 - 07:57 PM
oooh snap... found a pic.
I'll walk down memory lane if I like, I know it's not Duke, hehe
This post has been edited by Robman: 08 February 2015 - 08:01 PM
#7 Posted 08 February 2015 - 08:32 PM
TerminX, on 08 February 2015 - 03:23 PM, said:
You forgot to mention the censoring of the mobile ports too. That's not gonna happen with Hail to the King is it?
#8 Posted 08 February 2015 - 09:27 PM
Lunick, on 08 February 2015 - 08:32 PM, said:
Hell no.
#10 Posted 08 February 2015 - 11:32 PM
Duke calling the scorpion tank at 6:52 a bitch is quite radical, though, I have to say.
I guess this version was also re-released for phones under the title Duke Nukem Mobile 3D, now sporting actual polygonal model enemies:
Eat your heart out, HRP!
But MachineWorks's greatest work in the Duke lexicon is undoubtedly Duke Nukem Arena:
May as well just cancel multiplayer support in EDuke32 seeing as we've already got this!
This post has been edited by Marphy Black: 08 February 2015 - 11:34 PM
#11 Posted 08 February 2015 - 11:44 PM
Unlike some other FPS ports, it runs on unexpanded hardware with an engine that is more capable than wolf3D.
Stuff like elevators, parallax floor/ceiling texture support, crushing walls, etc..
Aside from maybe the choppy frame rate here and there or the awful music, I'd say that it's a pretty decent game and certainly playable.
Graphics actually look quite good on a real system as it dithers around the color palette, looks horrible on emulation but very high color when using composite output.
That MD video seems to be from a real system as it doesn't have that vertical dithering pattern present.
Worst port? I would have to agree with TerminX here, mobile systems like that have no excuse to be that lazy when it comes to quality.
They had the hardware and the tools to make it at least what the original release was but the result is closer to some proof of concept test that you'd find as a thread starter in some homebrew community.
#13 Posted 09 February 2015 - 02:48 AM
The Genesis one is the worst I knew, but that's because the system couldn't handle anything more than that, even Doom on the Genesis required the 32X, so for Duke the standard Genesis without its addons simply wasn't up to the task.
#14 Posted 09 February 2015 - 03:46 AM
Duke of Hazzard, on 09 February 2015 - 02:48 AM, said:
Beloko games make the best android port.
Duke Nukem 3D
See also https://play.google....id=Beloko+Games
This post has been edited by angelo86: 09 February 2015 - 03:49 AM
#16 Posted 09 February 2015 - 06:00 AM
#17 Posted 09 February 2015 - 10:08 AM
The Commando, on 09 February 2015 - 06:00 AM, said:
Agree, but due to that, it still sucks.
#18 Posted 09 February 2015 - 01:00 PM
MrBlackCat, on 08 February 2015 - 06:21 PM, said:
(Note: This is not my video)
MrBlackCat
Woops accidental down vote
This is a cool video of a terrible game
This post has been edited by Steveeeie: 09 February 2015 - 01:01 PM
#19 Posted 09 February 2015 - 01:32 PM
The Commando, on 09 February 2015 - 06:00 AM, said:
Exactly, for this specific hardware, it's quite impressive. The game itself isn't awful otherwise, it plays fine, but it's damn simple, more like a Wolfenstein 3D-clone than a real Duke Nukem 3D port. Was there any other FPS attempt on the Megadrive beside this one ? Not including the 32x expansion of course so Doom is out of the way (and it sucked bad even with that, maybe more than Duke imo).
#20 Posted 09 February 2015 - 02:05 PM
#21 Posted 09 February 2015 - 03:38 PM
It had a lot of cool features in it and it felt like an advanced Wolf 3d engine, though the game was really hard and the palette looked terrible.
This post has been edited by gerolf: 09 February 2015 - 03:40 PM
#22 Posted 09 February 2015 - 07:08 PM
Steveeeie, on 09 February 2015 - 01:00 PM, said:
This is a cool video of a terrible game
Oops... sorry about my post of the Tiger Grip Game... I missed the word "Ports" in the title somehow.
MrBlackCat
#23 Posted 11 February 2015 - 12:13 PM
#24 Posted 13 February 2015 - 05:47 AM
Robman, on 08 February 2015 - 07:57 PM, said:
oooh snap... found a pic.
I'll walk down memory lane if I like, I know it's not Duke, hehe
hahah loved that thing when I was a kid played the hell out of it. Wouldn't be to fun now but it was a blast then.
#25 Posted 13 February 2015 - 05:03 PM
Marphy Black, on 08 February 2015 - 11:32 PM, said:
Eat your heart out, HRP!
Looking at the page, the pigcop model is the one from DNMP. Which got me thinking, those models could actually fit in DNMP if they were extracted from the files and converted to the grn format. That is, if we had any exporters for grn.
#26 Posted 14 February 2015 - 04:26 AM
angelo86, on 09 February 2015 - 03:46 AM, said:
Duke Nukem 3D
See also https://play.google....id=Beloko+Games
#27 Posted 16 October 2015 - 07:51 PM
Duke Nukem 3D Sega Genesis
This post has been edited by Balls Of Steel Forever: 16 October 2015 - 07:51 PM
#29 Posted 16 October 2015 - 09:53 PM
#30 Posted 16 October 2015 - 10:01 PM
Also, isn't that version of the DN3D cover art a fan-made rendition? I suppose it's somewhat befitting to use knock off artwork for a knock off (but licensed) product.